Students

.B.A Student (vs) B.E Student

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain......

A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip,

set up their tent, and fell asleep.


Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says:

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."


The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."


The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"


The MBA ponders for a minute..


"Astronomically speaking,

it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.


Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.


Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.


Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.


Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.



What does it tell you?"


The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.


"Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent".

Children

Kids are very quick now a days

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
> MARIA: Here it is.
> TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
> CLASS: Maria.
> ____________________________________
>
> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
> JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
> __________________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
> GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
> TEACHER: No, that's wrong
> GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
> (I Love this kid)
> ____________________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
> DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
> TEACHER: What are you talking a bout?
> DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
> __________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
> WINNIE: Me!
> ____________________________ ______________
>
> TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
> GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
> _______________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
> MILLIE: I is..
> TEACHER: No, Millie....... Always say, 'I am.'
> MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
> ________________________________
>
> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
> LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
> ______________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
> SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
> ______________________________
>
> TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
> CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
> ___________________________________
>
> TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
> HAROLD: A teacher
> ___________________________________________

Indian Hell

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different
hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do
they do here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for
an
hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He
checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German
hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do
here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting
to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the
devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and
then goes to the Cafeteria!!! !! !

Funny Inventions

Discoveries That Men And Women Made

The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,

The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP

The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,

The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

The man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,

The woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,

The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,

The woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,

The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of
things...

While the women STUCK to shopping.



GET USED TO IT INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING...............

Answer the following questions

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to
answer them instantly.

You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are.




First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What
position are you in?

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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely
wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his
place, you aresecond!


Try not to screw up in the next question.



Second Question:


If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
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&n bsp;

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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are
wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT
use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add
another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
What is the total?

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Answer: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not
your day. Maybe you will get the last question right.


Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter? Is it Nunu?
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Answer: NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again





Okay, now the bonus round.



Bonus Question: There is a dumb person who wants to buy a toothbrush.
By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses
himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is
a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he
express himself?

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Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple. Duh....